The reason why I became a postpartum professional is because I don’t want any new mother to feel how I felt both times after I gave birth to my children.
As I dive deeper into my journey as a postpartum professional, I am re-visiting painful wounds that were a result of lack of knowledge and education about the process of becoming a mother. It almost feels like I am having to re-open these wounds and give them proper care now, as obviously they haven’t healed properly because they still cause acute discomfort.
When supporting a woman to process traumas from when she gave birth, I take her on a quest to identify the moments when she shifted her state from confident to disempowered, and then we travel even further, establishing a connection with other times of her life when she felt the same way. Also, I wait until she is comfortable enough to tell her birth story and assist her in re-framing the script she has in mind, so the imprint of the experience can be more colorful and pleasant to look at.
I didn’t have a particularly traumatic birth, and still had a long and hard postpartum; when I think about my own journey to identify where is the trauma I need to heal in myself, I realize that it lies in the abyss that I fell in when I had to make the crossing into motherhood land. The idea of writing a letter to my pregnant self is a way to draw a bridge over that big gap and re-create the picture of the pathway though which I became a mother.
“Nina, darling.
You are just about to embark on the biggest adventure of your life. I know you love them and that you are so courageous. Fear doesn’t stop you.
This adventure is nothing like moving to the other side of the planet, as you did. It is an experience that will transform your whole being, inside out. Literally. Not just your body will change, but your emotion spectrum is going to get wider and more intense. When you become a mother, the highs are higher, and the lows are lower. Your happiness scale is about to be rearranged, and the anger and frustration that are brewing inside your deepest layers will surface and turn up as unannounced guests.
I am aware that when you are about to go off on an adventure, you don’t like to prepare much, as you think it spoils the mysteries and the surprises that happen when you trust the Divine synchronicity of life. However, my dear, the transition into motherhood is a sacred time on itself; it is THE one adventure you will need to be very well prepared for, if you want to set yourself up to a good start and choose a smoother path. You do have the strength to face uphills, downhills and extreme conditions, but you can do it only for a certain period of time, so please believe me, you don’t need to choose the hardest way to prove your value.
Preparing for this journey can be fun and may take you to connect with amazing people. Maybe start talking to your relatives and close friends about their experiences – warning: they might be scary! – and find information about how different cultures around the world traditionally care for their new mothers. Yes, postpartum is about caring for the new mother too; your recovery is as important as the birth of your baby, and if you follow the road map that has been collectively designed by different traditions you will be able to create a sanctuary for yourself and your family and will be gifted with radiant health on a long term.
It’s okay to ask for help along the way, it will be a balm for your spirit to receive encouragement and a little push here and there from helping hands. If you see yourself thinking you must do it on your own, remember this: it’s your ego playing a trick on you. Doing it alone is the biggest obstacle to peace and joy on this journey of motherhood.
You may walk through storms of self-doubt and judgement (from yourself and from others), but if you are prepared as I am warning you, you will be able to keep walking on your path with confidence that you are good enough for this. When prepared, the treasures of intuition that you find along the way will make sense to you and will be easy to use.
I could write you a whole book, dear young Nina, but I will leave you for now with two main requests:
-Do what brings you peace and joy
- Remember that there is only one thing that won’t change throughout this whole time: your worth as a human.
With love,
Your older mother self
PS: a little note on babies - they do cry quite a lot. They won’t sleep as soon as you put them on their cots. They might hate being in the car, and scream the whole way. They might have tongue tie, or umbilical hernia, or reflux. They might not like having a bath. They feed many times during the night. They poo a lot. They like to be held a lot. They need a lot. And they are the cuttest and warmest little things you’ve ever seen. Looking at their eyes is like being face to face with God. The feeling of holding their little hands is so unique. The smell of your own baby is the best scent ever fabricated by Nature. The sensation you will have when your skin touches your babies’ can take you to the moon and back. Breastfeeding can be the climax of your experience. You will never forget the first look you exchange with you baby.”
